When you should forgive a cheater?
There are certain instances where infidelity in a relationship isn’t a deal breaker. And I’m not talking about open marriages or anything like that. I’m addressing people specifically who are in committed monogamous marriages where one partner has been caught cheating on the other. Even if you’ve been lied to there may be hope for reestablishing the trust and the bond the marriage once had, but it takes a certain kind of fortitude in order to do that and you must be in a position to genuinely forgive the other person for the infidelity.
Cheating Forgiveness: Empathizing with the cheater
The first thing you’re going to want to do is something you really probably don’t want to do: empathize with someone who hurt you. Now that you know that they have cheated on you, you’re going to want to know why. This question is never really easy to answer and the sad truth is you may never know the exact answer but there are a few forgivable reasons why cheaters cheat on otherwise committed and loving relationships.
Self sabotage as a reason for an affair
If I could list all the ways in which people self-sabotage the things they value the most, the site would run out of bandwidth and crash. The issue that you need to focus on is that they deeply value the relationship. If you’re not the kind of person who takes infidelity personally then you’re probably in a good position to handle and forgive the fact that they cheated on you. If you are then you probably can’t handle the person who self-sabotages their relationships by pushing their partners to the edge.
Sex addiction as a reason for an affair
Sex addiction is a legitimate form of addiction and is psychologically rooted in childhood issues that are consistent and traceable. It is also treatable and those who suffer from sex addiction do have several avenues available to them to seek help and sustain healthy loving relationships with the people they care about the most. Describing sex addiction is beyond the scope of this article but if you see signs your cheater fits the description you should be aware that their intention was never to hurt you when they had the affair.
A history of sexual abuse as a reason for an affair
Those with a history of sexual abuse have a very warped understanding of sex that is caught up within feels of shame, powerlessness, and betrayal. What you need to know is that for the most part, not only are these issues unresolved, but they will never be resolved. If the person you’re dating or married to has a history of hypersexuality then you’re going to have to be understanding that there is probably a history of sexual abuse that they may or may not want to talk about and discuss with you.
If you love this person you’re going to understand that if they do commit adultery that it isn’t a personal reflection on your capacity as a lover or your worthwhileness as a spouse. It may be difficult to reconcile these feelings internally with your image of a perfect marriage, but it can be done.